People don't tell you when you go through the baby toddler stage of not sleeping with colds, flu, teething or just the stubborn no sleep peeps. Turns out that when your precious get to be around 15-16 you will not be sleeping either.  This time you have zero control.  The cat is out of the bag and society is waiting with open arms to either embrace or smother this little precious you have so painstakingly cared for.

All of a sudden, over night "you don't know what you are talking about", "you really don't know what it's like" and you constantly get asked "are you serious?" All because this precious young thing with their delicate hormone imbalance and their false sense of superhuman abilities has chosen to venture out into the world armed with all the morsels of awareness they heard growing up, and their logic is "what could possibly go wrong".  Oh the young...

But here you sit watching bad TV or re-runs of the shows you watched when you were sitting up nursing your precious, because you decided to put money into their college fund instead of splurging on cable and wonder what they are doing and pray that they are using their brains.  If you have boys, you hope it's the one that's positioned between the shoulders instead of the their legs.
Life is always an adventure and even more so with raising kids, but it's not totally a jungle.  You give them curfews and raise them with respect and love and send them off into the world. Sure you could go straight to sleep when there out, but would you, do you, can you?

This too shall pass. Allowing them to live this exciting adventure of cars, girls, boys, life, it's what we are all here to do and have done.  You can only ask that the universe allows them to go through this, oh so special time, and learn lessons, feel the pain and come out the other side more aware and realizing they are as precious as you have always told them.

Sleep is everything to me, it's my favorite. I love it, I welcome it and I am not a morning person, you do not want to poke the bear. But I will forgo all of that to make sure our precious is home safe and even spend some extra time listening to their new adventures. Even though my head wants to be on my Thermarest in REM sleep, dreaming of more sleep, my heart is doing cartwheels in the moment that I am party to their new awareness and life. What a gift...

Eventually, I will get my sleep, you can always make that up, but you will never get back those little moments at 2 AM after a prom and hearing about the entire evening while they are jacked up on Dr. Pepper and talking a mile a minute.  Yes, our circadian rhythms are different than teenagers, but to re-live these moments with them are indeed priceless.

Life, purpose and the pursuit of dreams

Ya'll have heard the saying about life rising up to meet you when you finally find your purpose, but does it also come with an additional savings account attached. We are now in the process of figuring out our finances to pay for our son to go off to college. Where that is, is still a mystery. But in the meantime, we are saving our pennies, taking odd jobs here and there to save for the ultimate future of this young person that is going out into the world to find his purpose. Aren't we all already living our purpose by being. Some are working to support families, raising kids, teaching...it is remarkable the realm of our society that work in the so-called thankless jobs. Today's society has defined success by financial gains and material things collected and the purpose of continuing to get more and more because you can, but what is your soul's purpose. I know that sounds very airy-fairy to some, but indeed it is important when you have been working at the same dead-end job for more years than you want to count and you are still making the same amount you did ten years ago. Sure you are supporting your family, but are you supporting yourself. That's the kicker. I know so many amazing writers, photographers, and painters that should be doing it for a living, but how does one support their family on a dream. I for one don't have that answer, but at least you can relish in the fact that you still have dreams. If not, your not living your full potential or purpose. We all have a purpose, just like we all have dreams. Just by being we have purpose, but many of us don't live on purpose with every morsel that life has to offer. If you don't have dreams, where's the motivation, where's the drive to continue creating in any way possible. Dreams are what keep most of us sane when we are stuck in a cubicle with the ever-flickering florescent light has strobed your brain to mush...you can look at the picture of the tropical island and think some day or whatever your dream is. Who knows, maybe your dreams and life will rise up to meet you and before you know it you find purpose. As Ghandi says “You must be the change you want to see in the world.”

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.”

Sometimes you don't go to the beach to get a tan...I learned that when I had an opportunity to meet my soul sister at the beach for a peaceful, well needed, restful weekend.  She rented a beautiful house and flew me down first class, all I had to do was show up.  I am not the type of person that flies off on a whim since flying is not really my favorite.  It's not the fear of crashing and burning that gives me agita, it's the frenetic hurry up and wait, the undressing in security, the anxiety of catching your connecting flight, and especially "when is my next meal going to happen".  So, I decided to go.
I flew into Savannah three hours late thanks to some "mechanical problems". It was 65 degrees, 25 mph winds and rainy.  I have just described the weather report for the next three days of my stay.  Was I disappointed, not at all.  I was on this beautiful island of Tybee in a huge beach house on the beach. Every window had a view of the surf smashing into the dunes, but this house was solid.  We were safe and dry, staying in our pajamas until 2 PM and drinking so much Herba Mata that our conversations would get to a ready speed. Then we would eat, then eat some more.  Not just you know the usual chips and salsa. We had pate, french bread, cheese and jalepeno queso, Whole Foods brisket, you name it, she brought it. We ate like queens.
Our daily conversations went down every side road and dirt path available, and when we were almost done we would take another jaunt down the freeway.  We even had what some people call the uncomfortable, sweaty conversations from the heart. We laughed and cried, we reconnected.
On our last night, we decided to light a fire in the fireplace. When we opened the flute a pigeon that had taken shelter from the storm flew straight out into the kitchen. We spent at least 20 minutes trying to coax it out the door or even try to catch it so it could fly and be free. Then we spent the next 20 minutes cleaning up after said pigeon so we could resume our evening.
The entire weekend with the freezing wind and weather, the constant banging of the shutters at night and even our feathered friend from the fireplace, did not dampen our spirits or our reason for being there in the first place.  You don't always go to the beach to get a tan, but what I came home with was something even more beautiful, the love and reconnection of a beautiful sister and memories unlike any other beach vacation I have had or ever will.  What a gift.